Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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