I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
