You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
