1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
