my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
