so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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