Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
