How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
