The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
