If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
