Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
