So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
