remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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