I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
