My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
