Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
