i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
