I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
honey bunches of taint.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
