So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
