12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
