how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
