We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My liver just had a heart attack.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
