Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He passed out mid-signature
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
