My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
