The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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