you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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