before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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