I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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