in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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