Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
