OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
