Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
