went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
