No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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