do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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