Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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