Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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