My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
