He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
