The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
