if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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