I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize