Your face is a jimmy john
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
