She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
