U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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