I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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