I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize