I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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