I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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