I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
