He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
