FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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