She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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