my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
