All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
