There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
