im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
