OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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