there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
