Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
