batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
