Quick, to the slutcave!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
