Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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