You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize