Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i am craving dick and cupcakes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
