I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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