dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
