he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
