i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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