i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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