Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
