So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
